Has anybody ever seen this movie starring Gomez Adams’ kid Rudy, or Samwise or something about a United States where liberals have taken the “create an even playing field for all Americans” to an extreme that’s ridiculous even by the most ridiculous of liberal extremes?

In an effort to create the ultimate “equality” among the citizenry, the achievers and gifted amongst the populace were given impediments to bring them back to the pack. The fastest runners and best basketball players had to wear leg weights to slow them down and screw up their vertical leaps. People with superior eyesight had to wear “corrective” glasses to give them a normal 20/20 vision range. Tera Patrick had to get a breast reduction.

Most importantly, everyone in the country had to wear this headgear thing that forced the brain to process information at the level of someone with an IQ in the 90-100ish range - flat average. The gifted were brought back to the pack in an effort to allow the rest of the people to “catch up”, to “become equal”.

I’m about to hurt your eyes people -

All men and women were not created equally.

Some are smarter. Some are faster. Some are better looking. Some are more inventive and creative. I don‘t expect to match up one-on-one with Lebron James in a pickup game anytime soon, and I’m certainly not about to bitch to The ONE to make him wear leg weights and screwy goggles to make it a fair game.

You can’t create artificial equality by punishing the achievers and leaders in this nation. Would Microsoft have become the industry giant without Bill Gates? Do the Bulls win six rings without Michael Jordan? Do you really want a bank janitor running AIG?

Ok, that last one’s a bad example, but you get my point, right? It’s ok to envy the gifted - envy leads to inspiration which leads to self-improvement, which leads to personal achievement (unfortunately this is only in theory)- but expecting your government to level the field by redistributing wealth or creating special laws giving preferential treatment or protection is just wrong.

Oh, the punch line of Sean Astin’s “Harrison Bergeron”? Samwise takes his headgear off, realizes he’s a genius and ends up eating the business end of a pistol rather than live in a society devoid of creativity and achievement.

Do we really want to live in a society that embraces mediocrity?

Do we really want those that we should be looking up to to just give up?

So I’m at one of those all-you-can-eat family friendly style restaurants, an “Italian” - and I use the word verrrrry loosely - place called “Cinzetti’s”. The couple in the table over is pushing seven bills between them. Easy. Plate after plate after plate to the point where my daughters are talking about poor people not having enough to eat and I’m losing my appetite.

The waitress comes over to clear some plates away and the guy just about takes her head off of her shoulders.

“THIS PLACE IS ALL YOU CAN EAT!! WE’RE NOT DONE YET!!!!”

Want to know what really pissed me off about these pigs??

Universal healthcare.

In ten years we’re going to be paying for this slob’s triple bypass, stomach staples and one of those fat people scooters that you make fun of in grocery stores.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to everyone. Otherwise known as "Amateur DUI Day".

Do us all a favor and stay the hell off the road.

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